What Am I Scared Of?

IMG_0949I’ve been in a wrestling match for years, right in the middle of an MMA ring….And I can’t win the match! But I keep jumping back in, swinging fists, with no proper skills to actually win, and no insight into the fact that I could just remove myself, surrender to the fight…. Surrender is Key. It is not my fight to fight. Time to take this moment to actually get out of the ring….

What am I scared of? Success? Intimacy? Fear of fear? Fear of failure? The list in endless….It can change depending on what is going on in life, and seems dependant on my emotional “head space”. When I am sailing smoothly, I have less fear. When my life feels organised, I have less fear, when everything around me is going well, I seem to have LESS FEAR.

That is the answer, my sense of well-being is completely dependant on outside circumstances, which is why there is no way to actually overcome fear, as outside circumstances change CONSTANTLY!

So, now what?

Well… I think the answer is in the question ” NOW” and “WHAT?” Isn’t that really up to me to answer?

What action can I do NOW that is completely my choice?

 What is really happening RIGHT NOW, in this instant?

When I get into that space of really being PRESENT for exactly what is going on in this instant, I am not able to spiral out of control in fear – because at any given moment, if I am conscious, alive, breathing, and in my body, mind, heart and spirit, I do KNOW some things are true! I do know that when I think of my future goals, dreams, and anxieties, they are all projected fears, because they are the UNKNOWN. I assume I’m not alone in that.

I’ve witnessed many of us clinging to future goals and plans, 5 year plans, college for the kids, retirement, taking care of older parents, buying that jet plane or boat, those types of things that are a part of designing and manifesting our ideal lives, that is all ok as long as there is perspective on the fact that we still need to surrender control of certain things.

No matter what we plan and how carefully we do so, there will be variables. These variables are what can lead to fear and insecurity as a feeling of LOSS OF CONTROL. No one I know likes feeling out of control completely, as it is a very unsettling feeling, but it also has many variants and layers.
Jumping out of an airplane, do you have control of all variables, not really, and yet this “loss of control” is exhilarating to some, and frightening to others, because “the jump” depicts TRUE SURRENDER, TRUE FAITH, and TRULY being in that PRESENT moment, not thinking of the past or future, just breathing in the air from microsecond to microsecond….
Perhaps when we truly allow ourselves to be out of control (not trying to predict variables, and fixing everything in our power to fix) we finally surrender to the now and fear dissipates.

Letting go of control = Letting go of fear.

One foot in front of the other, doing the next action that needs to be done, and leaving the results alone. Enjoy the flight, stay present, and LET GO.

The Need To Belong- Romantic to World-Centric Perspectives

We need one another… and that’s a beautiful thing.

IMG_0899We are part of our tribe.

Our tribe begins with our closest few and extends to all Humanity, perhaps even further. It starts from the one on one relations, and grows exponentially in our tribal and universal connections.

There is nothing wrong with needing each other. As Psychologist Aaron Ben-Zeev states clearly in his article from a romantic partnership perspective” A sense of belongingness is crucial to our well-being.”

There is no inherent “weakness” in needing someone, or asking for help.

Over the last few decades I have been in a few conversations where women would be sharing their need to be fiercely independent, not reliant on men, strong enough without any help, extremely self-sufficient and ALONE. This has never seemed to me as a very inclusive approach to liberating anything or anyone. Being “liberated” in this way only bred more separateness, more isolation, and less connectedness.I don’t think this was what was meant to happen from the Women’s Liberation Movement of the late 60’s- 70’s, but it has grown to include throwing away basal instincts of women and men alike, which is that we do actually NEED each other! Obviously being self-sufficient is a great quality to have, and liberation from oppression if one is truly “oppressed” is vital.  I know that the WLM had some strong points and aims based on the societal gender roles of the times, but some extremists seem to misuse the title of liberation as a way of separatismKen Wilbur really discusses this issue at great length, and is incredibly clear and detailed about oppression of women AND men historically and presently.

I do see much value in being confident and independent, as it is important for personal growth and self understanding, but it doesn’t mean that one needs to separate from others, we all qualify for and have earned the human right to connect!

As humans, we thrive communally, and wither without each other. There are many things we mutually need from each other, as we all have our important and unique roles on this evolving planet. No matter how small we are individually, the collective consciousness knows no bounds.IMG_0900


We, as a society, are evolving through our collective consciousness, as well as our individual consciousness. One cannot exist without the other.

(The term Collective Consciousness was credited to Emile Durkheim at the end of the 19th Century: ” The totality of beliefs and sentiments common to the average members of a society forms a determinate system with a life of its own. It can be termed the collective or creative consciousness.”—Emile Durkheim Kenneth Allan; Kenneth D. Allan (2 November 2005). Explorations in Classical Sociological Theory: Seeing the Social World. Pine Forge Press. p. 108.)

When we understand the connection between our individual self and that of the collective, we gain a broader understanding of each other, and are able to have much deeper compassion and empathy for one another. This explains the communal need and respect that we share with our fellows.

This interdependence (the dependence between things, i.e. plants and animals) is not to be confused with co-dependency (excessive emotional or psychological dependency on another, usually due to a mental illness or addiction.) Co-dependency is birthed out of  the natural instinct of need and belonging, but is blown out of proportion because of addictions or other issues. This can be worked through and put back in balance through counselling and other support networks. (Explaining Co-dependency)

I need you, you need me, and we all long to connect and share on intimate levels.IMG_0879

Physically we all need touch.

(studies have been done on infants/ children in orphanages that had all their basal needs met excluding touch, resulting in illness and even a shrinking of brain tissue (hippocampus)- and higher infant mortality rates than in children who did receive regular physical contact.)

Emotionally, we all want to feel safe, heard, and appreciated.

Mentally, we thrive by sharing knowledge, learning, growing and evolving together.

Spiritually/Creatively, we thrive on exploring our individual heightened experiences and ways to articulate/communicate these together, resulting in fellowship and continued bonding.

Integrating our need for each other, integrating our collective consciousness with our individuation, and integrating our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits will inevitably offer us closer intimate connections, higher understanding and mutuality, and deeper personal growth in the never-ending evolution of humanity.

Bottom line, We want to belong.

How Yoga Quiets My Crazy Brain

I really needed to get into my body today. Believe me, I did..

On any average day, I get up early, and do a “sit”, (meditate) with binaural beats, (Profound Meditation Program from John Dupuy at iAwake is a life altering jam), and then tap into my body before I even really speak to the outside world. Well, that is an ideal  morning, as it gets me focused to feeling balanced, and I travel more smoothly if I get that quiet time for my body, mind, heart and spirit. No matter what by my first breath in the morning, my mind is going Full Speed Ahead! It can yank me out of bed chatting all kinds of spread sheets to philosophies to transmissions to meal planners, which lends itself to being a huge motivator to get straight into meditation and yoga first up.

It doesn’t always go to plan that way, though, as life, schedule, kids, blogs, (excuses, basically) can delay this for me, or even cause me to miss out completely!

Finding My Centre- Headstand
Finding My Centre:Headstand

Today was one of those mornings. But with no real excuse, except I was just excited and focused on writing. I was doing a semi-committed yogic breath “Pranayama” practice while writing, but I hadn’t done anything else for my body or heart space. So obviously the connecting links between my Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit had not been properly tended to as of yet.

It seem easy to “forget” about this delicate balance until something reminds us. My morning played out in the way that it did with just that.

I received a phone call from a blocked number.

It caught me off guard.

It triggered a reaction filled with anxiety and tension. I tend to dramatise and overreact easily if I feel out of control or put on the spot, and I was, and I did. (Please don’t call me a Drama Queen, I might just answer!)

So, a no brainer, I knew that tension filled my body. My muscles tightened, my heart constricted and palpitated. My mind began to race with worrying thoughts (none of which were realistic) and my heart space (my emotional body) felt scared, unsure, not in its power of embracing life/ love. I knew that I needed to get the Four Awakenings ignited, and in BALANCE.

I regained my personal power by getting straight on my mat, positioned in Downward Dog, breathing deeply, finding my centre, and flowed through some Vinyasa Yoga (check out Shiva Rae) that brought me to a calm yet empowered place in myself. After a short but grounding session, I sat for 20 minutes to meditate. I finished my meditation feeling soothed, strong, centred, calm, in control (of myself which is ALL I can control) and with a great deal of perspective about the truly insignificant phone call that really only served as a reminder that I am responsible for my happiness, my own calm, and my own awesome life.

I hope this offers some insight into how important it is to seek balance of our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies. When these are in balance, we are more of our genuine self, we can handle situations easier, we can flow through life with more ease and grace with the gift of awareness.

Feel free to ask any questions that may come to you, they are always welcome….

Namaste and Love On!