What Am I Scared Of?

IMG_0949I’ve been in a wrestling match for years, right in the middle of an MMA ring….And I can’t win the match! But I keep jumping back in, swinging fists, with no proper skills to actually win, and no insight into the fact that I could just remove myself, surrender to the fight…. Surrender is Key. It is not my fight to fight. Time to take this moment to actually get out of the ring….

What am I scared of? Success? Intimacy? Fear of fear? Fear of failure? The list in endless….It can change depending on what is going on in life, and seems dependant on my emotional “head space”. When I am sailing smoothly, I have less fear. When my life feels organised, I have less fear, when everything around me is going well, I seem to have LESS FEAR.

That is the answer, my sense of well-being is completely dependant on outside circumstances, which is why there is no way to actually overcome fear, as outside circumstances change CONSTANTLY!

So, now what?

Well… I think the answer is in the question ” NOW” and “WHAT?” Isn’t that really up to me to answer?

What action can I do NOW that is completely my choice?

 What is really happening RIGHT NOW, in this instant?

When I get into that space of really being PRESENT for exactly what is going on in this instant, I am not able to spiral out of control in fear – because at any given moment, if I am conscious, alive, breathing, and in my body, mind, heart and spirit, I do KNOW some things are true! I do know that when I think of my future goals, dreams, and anxieties, they are all projected fears, because they are the UNKNOWN. I assume I’m not alone in that.

I’ve witnessed many of us clinging to future goals and plans, 5 year plans, college for the kids, retirement, taking care of older parents, buying that jet plane or boat, those types of things that are a part of designing and manifesting our ideal lives, that is all ok as long as there is perspective on the fact that we still need to surrender control of certain things.

No matter what we plan and how carefully we do so, there will be variables. These variables are what can lead to fear and insecurity as a feeling of LOSS OF CONTROL. No one I know likes feeling out of control completely, as it is a very unsettling feeling, but it also has many variants and layers.
Jumping out of an airplane, do you have control of all variables, not really, and yet this “loss of control” is exhilarating to some, and frightening to others, because “the jump” depicts TRUE SURRENDER, TRUE FAITH, and TRULY being in that PRESENT moment, not thinking of the past or future, just breathing in the air from microsecond to microsecond….
Perhaps when we truly allow ourselves to be out of control (not trying to predict variables, and fixing everything in our power to fix) we finally surrender to the now and fear dissipates.

Letting go of control = Letting go of fear.

One foot in front of the other, doing the next action that needs to be done, and leaving the results alone. Enjoy the flight, stay present, and LET GO.