So I decided to go through my closet today, and purge a few things that I don’t ever wear. It is a funny thing, because I buy clothing sometimes based on what I want , i.e., I fantasize scenarios where I may wear a certain outfit, or dress, or shoes, yet it has no real purpose in my life as it is. Why would I need 5 pairs of stilettos when I live in a little village in the hills? Maybe one pair? Maybe….
There was a time in my life where these would have been appropriate and even necessary, in Los Angeles when I was in the music industry and was going out 5 out of 7 nights, but now?
So, I am waffling because I am making a point. I used to have a need for these shoes, but they don’t serve my life now.
But wait, I also purchased them because I was projecting what I wish I had, the fantasy of being swept away in the private jet for a luncheon in Paris. Would you call that manifesting? Hum…
It all depends on what is really important, and for me to remember the importance in my life. It is so easy to want for things that I do not have, especially when I see consumerism all around me, and I had the lifestyle that supported that mentality for many years in LA.
But the bottom line is why do I want these things?
I see that my life is full. I have everything I need, and on a good day, I am content with what I have, and I have gratitude. On other days, I am wanting for more.
So as I sort through my confrontational closet of fantastic clothes, I can see and feel each item as it represents longings I have. These clothes are the ones I am getting rid of, because they serve no purpose in my life as it is. They are only reflections of where I must feel inadequate, where I feel that my life is not enough, not exciting enough, not grand enough, a basic “lack mentality” looking outside of myself to fill the void that I hold internally.
So, as I sort and purge, I am responding to the emotions that are coming from seeing concrete examples of where I feel insufficient.
It is very revealing (not unlike a few skimpy tops that I am parting with!)
I come to a few understandings in myself.
I realise that I lose perspective on my life, and I look to the wrong direction to gain it. My perspective must come from inside myself, as a grounded understanding and self-appreciation/ self-love.
I see that I fill the voids with consumerism, whether it is to mask what is going on inside of myself, or to gain compliments from external sources.
I know that when I am in that place of looking for distraction, I need to check in with my heart, and find the source of my discomfort.
I know that the more I avoid peering into the glass window of my soul, the longer I will stay in that pain.
I know that I have tools to do the work needed to gain clarity back, and gain back my perspective and joy of everyday living.
I enjoyed the feeling of being proactive in checking in with my heart.
I knew it was time to get into my spirit and body centre by doing some yoga and meditation.
I remembered that when I feel self-doubt or am just running on selfish desire, I can take a step back and do something nice for someone else. Getting out of my own way by engaging in selfless tasks and deeds is a fantastic way to align my heart.
I remembered to not take myself too seriously, that life is fun and beautiful and a gift every single day!
I remembered to have gratitude for what I do have, and the gifts that I am given.
I can feel good today from having taken some time to look at areas of my life where I have been “stuck” in my thinking. That is a gift to myself that lasts longer than the latest fashions on the rack.
So, first things first. I got rid of the “old” so I could make room for my “new” attitude of appreciation. My closet is more spacious, I listened to my heart, and I now have room for the important things in my life.
And I kept one pair of stilettos… Just in case.