What is being honest? Is it just “cash register honesty?” Selective honesty is what I think we often times practice, which I am not sure is helping us feel connected to each other. I want to talk about the heart honesty, the real deal. I remember when I was younger always feeling like I needed to explain myself to everyone that asked me anything. As if I had a responsibility to tell them whatever they wanted to know about me, or wanted to hear. It took a long time to realise that this is not the case. Because I felt that I must say something, I would sometimes beat around the bush, or make excuses, or plain out LIE to make sure I didn’t offend anyone or leave them hanging. I didn’t’ realise that boundaries were ok, and even more than ok, necessary. Because I didn’t realise that there was a choice in the matter, where I could discern between what was important to share and what wasn’t, I often felt on the spot to say something… Anything… This led to lots of personal confusion and a loss of knowing what the real truth of myself was. I didn’t like hurting other people, or hurting their feelings, and so this choice to always say something was well-intentioned, just misdirected.
When we are confronted with the opportunity to be honest, and it will not unnecessarily injure another, it is important for a secure sense of self to be as honest as possible. It also allows others to feel connected to you, and even know that they also are not alone, and it can open up a vulnerability and closeness that may have not happened ever between people. We all have things about ourselves that are our secrets, or our shadows, however small or large, they are meaningful to us. They can be debilitating, and even instruct us on how to proceed with our lives. This can be a very dangerous road to travel, as it becomes paralysing in its fear, and also can convince us to make choices that we are probably not meant to make. I feel it is important to recognise that we all have this dilemma. We all suffer from our stuff at times, and yet when we are in the darkest moments, we do feel alone, even if we are surrounded by those that we love. It can be terrifying when we are having our own experience that no one is privy to. Being vulnerable, and admitting that we need each other, is hard. We don’t like to feel that we are not strong, or that we are being selfish when really we are only being human.
How nice would this world be if we all felt we were safe to share the truths of ourselves? How do we feel when we have those moments of closeness and bonding with another person? For me it is exhilarating. It can be life changing, inspiring, teaching. I feel a part of something bigger when someone chooses to share themselves with me. I feel trusted. I increase my belief and love in the human connection, and in our highest purpose. I feel empowered. I feel safe. I feel important. I feel that I can hear and that I am heard. I feel that I can also take the risk of true honest closeness, and intimacy, when I feel you also giving of yourself. A shared experience, and a beautiful one at that. So, as I choose to be open, honest, scars and all, I know that I am reaching out to you. I feel that you hear me, and if you choose to be open also, I will always hear you. This is a gift we have to give to each other and ourselves. Honesty on a new level, as spoken from the heart, not out of fear of being caught, but out of courage that we all have something to give to the world, in the healing and celebration of life.